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making workplace communication news
Greetings!
The notion of “triggers” has been part of communication skills training
for a long time. A trigger is when you react to something (or someone)
beyond the reality of the moment. The trick is in the application
because emotional triggers are a very personal experience.
A few weeks ago while working in my office, I watched arborists
take down a tree that was damaged last winter. I felt a huge sense
of upset and sadness. Surely it was not reasonable to feel this
way over one relatively small tree? And one I knew was going to
be removed?
Well, all this emotional intelligence training has taught me
to pay attention to cues. I remembered, after some reflection,
a long ago event as a child living in an upstairs apartment in
downtown Toronto. There was a huge, beautiful maple tree on our
front lawn (the only tree on the property). One day a crew of
workmen arrived and cut down the tree. I was heart broken. I also
remember being shamed and mocked for my reaction to the loss of
the tree. All these years later the loss of another tree brought
me back to the emotion of a long ago event, and without even realizing
it, until I made the connection.
So how does this connect with workplace communication? There
are times when we interact with others that is way beyond what
is happening in the moment. It appears that few of us were raised
by parents who had the skills to listen, acknowledge, empathize,
coach and support. And I feel blessed to have a chance to learn
so much about this part of human interaction – certainly this
is not a skill that I (or anyone) was born with!
So
what to do to stay appropriate to the moment?
- Notice. If you are feeling an “emotional” reaction
– pay attention. If you can’t control what you what you are
saying/doing, stop. Take a break.
- Breathe. Oxygen helps us access our “thinking brain”
so we can pay attention to our cues, make the connections regarding
what past experience has been tapped.
- Align. Think about what is reasonable in the moment.
Finish the conversation (and that may be a day later) in a way
that aligns with your intention/purpose and the current reality.
- Take note. You have just added to your list of triggers.
The more you know yourself the better you can act in a way that
supports who you are and what you want to achieve. We can finish
up the unfinished business of our past through self acceptance,
understanding and empathy.
M.
SCOTT PECK:
"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to
occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled.
For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that
we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for
different ways or truer answers."
Have
a terrific month – enjoy the warm weather.
Question of the month:
When
have you noticed people behaving “larger than appropriate for the
moment?”
What do/did you do?
Click
Here to Answer!
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